"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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