I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
