this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
