No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
