how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
