Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
