This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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