Did I show you my penis last night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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