It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
