No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
