So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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