Jerry, you need to find god
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
