You're completely useless in the revolution.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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