Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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