called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
