He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
