The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
