They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
