my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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