Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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