my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
