you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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