Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
