it hurts more in the daytime
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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