After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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