I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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