it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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