I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
