Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
