if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
