i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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