I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
