those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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