broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
