I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize