if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
