We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
