First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
