Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
