I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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