why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize