I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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