He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
