I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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