so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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