A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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