Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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