um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
