I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
