I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
