I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
