Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
