clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
