I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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