dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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