I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
