I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
