jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize