Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
