white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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