uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can you bring me the toilet please
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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