the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
