Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
