Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
