She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
